What are you looking up here for? The joke is in your hand.
I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
-- Jerry Seinfeld
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
I wouldn't object to my wife having the last word-- if only she'd get to it.
-- Henny Youngman
My parents stayed together for forty years, but that was out of spite.
-- Woody Allen
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-- Anonymous
Why does a woman work for years to change a man's habits, and then complain that he's not the man she married?
-- Barbra Streisand
I told someone I was getting married, and they said "Have you picked a date yet? I said, "wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding!" "What a country! "
-- Yakov Smirnoff
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is.
-- Milton Berle
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!
-- Henny Youngman
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

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